Monday, May 4

8 p.m. “Greek” on ABC Family. SPOILER ALERT. Whoa, whoa, whoa–Max is proposing to Casey?? That seems a little sudden. And considering he’s made all the sacrifices in their relationship, my prediction? She’s saying no. And Evan is going to overdose on whatever drugs he’s doing.

8 p.m. “Gossip Girl” on the CW. Blair gets Georgina to help her scheme,  and Lily covertly helps Dan pay for college. I’m surprised this show is eliminating the whole Dan-as-faux-poor-while-living-it-up plot gambit.

8 p.m. “House” on Fox. A ballerina’s lungs collapse–and then her skin falls off. That sounds hilarious!

8:30 p.m. “How I Met Your Mother” on CBS. The yellow umbrella tease of a storyline comes back in the most frustrating of ways, and Barney approaches his 200th lay. (Click here to read more…)

Monday, April 27

8 p.m. “Greek” on ABC Family. Casey challenges the IKIs to a game of inter-sorority dodgeball to show the strength of ZBZ sisterhood and win over Jordan. How does this make any sense? Dodgeball doesn’t mean anything outside of sixth grade P.E. and Vince Vaughn’s career.

8 p.m. “Gossip Girl” on the CW. Chuck and Nate fight (hopefully fist fight) for Blair’s affections. Georgina returns–has she changed? Million dollar ratings question.

8 p.m. “Chuck” on NBC. Ellie and Awesome are getting married, but first Chuck has to fight Chevy Chase to the death–or something like that. Violence seems to dominate this Monday.

8 p.m. “House” on Fox. A deaf teenager says his hearing worsened during a boxing match. (Violence, see?) His mother won’t allow the doctors to make him better.

8:30 p.m. “How I Met Your Mother” on CBS. Ted starts texting some lady he’s dating, which breaks one of Barney’s cardinal rules. You’d think Barney would like any method that simplifies the booty call. (Click here to read more…)

The picture is because I’m honestly not especially pumped about any one show in particular. So I’ll be excited about all of them!

Monday, April 20

8 p.m. “Chuck” on NBC. Chuck and Sarah go off the grid trying to find Orion a.k.a. Chuck’s dad. They also get closer romantically until Chevy Chase’s gruesome shadow looms its ugly head.

8 p.m. “Greek” on ABC Family. Rusty is angry because Andy hooked up with Jordan, so he’s reluctant to be the freshman’s big brother. Unfair much? Rusty didn’t even make a move!

8 p.m. “Gossip Girl” on the CW. Okay–the episode’s called “Seder Anything,” and yeah, respect that “Gossip Girl” is (sort of) honoring the Jewish high holidays and John Cusack’s most romantic movie … but really? Combining the two names? It’s freaking me out a little. (Click here to read more…)

Monday, March 16 (Mondays need to spread the wealth. “Chuck” is a repeat, but the otherwise star-show-studded schedule makes me hyperventilate.)

8 p.m. “House” on Fox. There is some creepy cat who only cuddles with people who are about to die, and there’s Judy Greer, of eternal-second-string-romantic-comedy-movie fame.

8 p.m. “Gossip Girl” on the CW. That’s right, it’s finally new. Dan and Rachel stay away from each other after their way-icky sex scene at the end of the last episode, like, two months ago. Oh, and Blair’s future is ruined, which means Yale is probably off, right? Or so we’ll find out…

8:30 p.m. “How I Met Your Mother” on CBS. Karen finds an earring in Ted’s bed, planted there by LILY. Shock and “awhh” commence. Do I quote random episodes of this show too much? Is there a too much?

10 p.m. “Battlestar Galactica–The Last Frakkin’ Special” on the Sci Fi Channel. Two things: tune into this, because we are approaching the end of the show! Oh, and this channel is changing its name to SyFy. True story. (Click here to read more…)

Monday, February 2

8 p.m. “House” on Fox. That’s right—four quality television shows tonight during the 8-9 hour. My advice? Watch “House” live and wait for “Mother” and “Chuck” to go online. “Gossip Girl” can wait. As for the episode tonight, House’s staff grapples with personal and professional issues as always, blah blah blah.

8 p.m. “Gossip Girl” on the CW. In case you decide against my expert advice, Blair plots and Chuck blacks out; look for exhaustive details tomorrow on this very blog!

8 p.m. “Chuck” on NBC. Yay! “Chuck” is back, battling evil and job monotony, tonight in 3-D. I’m as curious as you are.

8:30 p.m. “How I Met Your Mother” on CBS. An episode entitled, “Barney Stinson: That Guy’s Awesome.” Be so excited. It should be legen—wait for it—dary.

Tuesday, February 3

9 p.m. Two episodes of “Scrubs” on ABC. Dr. Cox is the new chief of medicine and buggin’ out big-time. (Click here to read more…)

Warning: episode spoilers ahead. Read at your own risk. (Click here to read more…)

(Just to clarify, this is last week’s episode. Not even my fault! The local CW screwed me over. However, it may be a few days before I get SporkNotes for the latest episode up.)

Warning: episode spoilers ahead. Read at your own risk.

(Click here to read more…)

That’s it. I concede. I can’t go on like this.

“90210″ is terrible, and I will no longer be recapping it. No, SporkNotes aren’t meant to be taken seriously—I wouldn’t do it if these shows weren’t ridiculous. But there’s a limit. The same goes for “Grey’s Anatomy,” which I had initially planned on covering. Have you tried watching an episode recently? It’s truly unbearable.

Help me out here. Am I being too hard on television? There are shows I still like: “House,” “Pushing Daisies,” “Dirty Sexy Money.” There are shows I think are kind of crappy but enjoyable nonetheless: “Heroes,” “True Blood.” I’m a fan of trash. I have a keen sense of irony. However, when it gets to the point that I am genuinely dreading catching up on a series, it’s just not worth it.

If I’ve managed to offend any diehard fans, do let me know. I’ll probably keep watching “90210,” because I’m kind of a masochist. And if anything worth blogging about happens, I’ll do my darndest to report it. Until then, I’ll continue SporkNoting “Gossip Girl,” which the local CW station pushed to Saturday this week. Boo.

(I’m so behind on everything! TiVo is a blessing and a curse.)

Warning: episode spoilers ahead. Read at your own risk.

(Click here to read more…)

Warning: episode spoilers ahead. Read at your own risk.

(Click here to read more…)