This week, Carmel takes monogamy head-on. Why do societal norms say your significant other also has to be your exclusive sexual partner? Why are romantic love and sex so tightly bound? Find out how Carmel unravels the mystery.

The Lover’s Dilemma

Carmel DeAmicis

After a couple of serious relationships, monogamy became a constricting box that shut off the world around me. Society told me I should be comfortable giving up things like flirting and dancing with other guys if I truly cared about someone, but I always felt like I was losing a piece of myself in the process. I never viewed my sexuality as being defined in relation to a particular person-it was something that I owned and no one else did. So, in my serious relationships, I would battle for it, never wanting to let my significant other control it or possess it in any way.

Eventually, I dated someone who never fought that battle with me.

Read the rest of the column  here or in today’s paper.

Image Source: QwirkSilver under Creative Commons

Around 70-80 people showed up to take the sex survey or emailed me their answers. Obviously, the respondents didn’t represent an accurate cross-section of the Berkeley population, but the survey was meant to be more of a fun activity than a scientifically rigorous analysis. You know the results must be skewed if 40% of respondents has woken up with someone they don’t remember going home with! That’s just not normal.

As for the more emotional side of sex, thanks for bringing that up. I only have a few columns left to write but I will do my best to discuss those aspects of sexuality. I’ve actually only had sex with people I’ve been in a relationship with, so I completely agree that sex with some of the readers that sex with someone you love is incredible. It’s the only kind of sex I’ve ever had.

Lastly, if any of you were wondering, I had a reader write in and tell me the secrets to pulling off sex on memorial glade. Apparently, there are some trees and bushes on the side of the glade near McCone Hall that are perfect for hiding in. Good luck!

Image Source: Stryker W@sp under Creative Commons

This week, Carmel takes a gander at gender and asks how to strike a balance between “sexy” and “skanky.”  Turns out, all you have to do is make sure your sexuality is really your own.

Sex on Tuesday: The ‘Stripper’ Effect

Carmel De Amicis

When I was hitting puberty, I remember I used to fantasize about becoming a professional stripper as a part-time job. I would sit in class, lost in the idea that someone from school could show up at the strip club and spot me. From then on the whole school would see past my four-eyed, nerdy exterior and know me for what I really was: a vixen.

Kind of a weird teenage fantasy, considering the fact that “professional stripper” is not the most glamorous job. I think it had a lot to do with how I viewed sexuality (and my lack thereof). In junior high, time and time again, I would get my heart smashed as the objects of my desire fell for the girls who knew how to ooze sex. I dreamed about being a professional stripper because they seemed to be the epitome of sex-I assumed they were the kind of women that men loved the most.

Read the rest of the column here or in today’s paper.

Image Source: tobyleah under Creative Commons

Last week, Carmel asked you to take her sex midterm and this week, instead of getting a less-than-desirable grade, you got a column chock full of interesting tidbits about your fellow members of the student body.  From the sounds of things, they’ve been doing some A+ work.

Sex on Tuesday: Sexy Secrets Revealed

Carmel De Amicis

One word to describe sex at Berkeley? Based on last week’s sex survey, I’m gonna go with “scandalous.” Despite our nerdy reputation, we Berkeley students apparently know our priorities: Getting some is just as important as getting into grad school.

For number of sexual partners, the average initially was four, but as the evening went on that number climbed. I suppose all the pints you were drinking doubled as a magical memory retriever. Only a couple of you admitted to a number higher than 15, although the winner for the most sexually active was a stud whose number could only be approximated: “100???” Creativity points go to the person who answered: e to the 72nd. Math majors get me hot.

Read the rest of Carmel’s column here or in today’s paper.

Image Source: Ye Olde Wig Shoppe under Creative Commons

What does Carmel want for her 21st birthday? For you to share your dirty little secrets in her sex survey and bring them to her at the Bear’s Lair tomorrow from 5-8 p.m. It’ll be a fantasy come true.

Sex on Tuesday: April Sextravaganza

Carmel De Amicis

If you’re bored and looking to daydream, I have a fantasy for you. You walk into your next midterm, and as you stroll through the door your professor hands you a tall, cool pint of beer. Then she tells you all the questions are going to be about sex, and you can get extra credit if you win the fake orgasm or pint-chugging contest. And just for showing up to the midterm, she’s going to give you free lube and condoms. You spend the rest of the hour getting tipsy and using the midterm questions as an excuse to flirt with the hot guy/girl in the corner. Best midterm ever.

Now replace ‘midterm’ with ’sex survey,’ ‘class’ with ‘Bear’s Lair’ and ‘professor’ with ‘me,’ and your fantasy can come true this Wednesday (April 8th) from 5 to 8 p.m.! Head down to Bear’s Lair for some mid-week merriment, and bring your Daily Cal with the following sex survey filled out.

Read the rest of Carmel’s column on the Opinion Page.

Image Source: Jessica N. Diamond under Creative Commons

Bob Kessler of “The Observer” at Notre Dame lays down the five stages to overcome your guiltiness over random hook-ups. Don’t worry, ‘Depression’ (the fourth stage) isn’t too bad in hook-up language as it basically involves watching “Love Actually” on repeat. 

University of Delaware’s sexpert raves on the benefits of sex for the heart, skin and even headaches. But as a comment on the column says, “sounds like youre implying that those of us that dont have sex cannot be happy or successful. pretty arrogant and whorish.”

Leighton Villa of the Ka Leo in Hawaii gives advice to a desperate reader hoping to spice up her sex life with her boyfriend. Such advice includes “If you react negatively, his sexual ego will freeze you out worse than Windows XP” and “cheating might begin to look very appealing.” Hella classy Hawaii, hella classy.

Image Source: mandseyfang’s under Creative Commons

Reader Comment- “Porn is made for MEN, not women, which explains why it’s set up this way.”

There’s some truth to that. Most guys probably don’t need the foreplay or the anticipation that makes sex good for a lot of women. They probably enjoy the fetishization of the female body, and the close up visuals of penetration.

But I’m still somewhat curious–do guys really not care whether the actors in pornos seem so fake? Does it really not matter to them whether the women look overly processed instead of pretty? Does the circus-like sexual positions and over-the-top gendered clichés turn them on more instead of less? I know there are differences between men and women’s sexual chemistry, but I can’t believe that the differences are THAT big. Then again, I’m not a guy so what do I know?

But the bigger question to me is WHY IS PORN NOT MADE FOR WOMEN? We don’t live in the 1920’s anymore. Girls are sexual creatures just like guys. We like sex, we masturbate, we love our vibrators. Why has the porn industry not picked up on the fact that there is an entire market of people out there that they aren’t tapping into? 50% of the population! There are one or two sites out there that are good for women, although I (think) they cater mostly to the LGBT population. There are plenty of bad sites out there for women, but they portray over-the-top Romeo/Fabio characters with long hair and way too much muscle sweeping women off their feet. The bad porn for girls is just as fake/ridiculous as the bad porn for guys, but in the other direction. They are based on the biggest stereotype of what a girl wants sexually—some overly romantic muscle man sensually caressing us and whispering sweet nothings in our ear. NOT HOT.

Reader Comment- “The porn industry today exists to give people what they want”

Isn’t it possible that the porn-industry is a self-fulfilling prophecy? They think they know what people want, so that’s the kind of porn they create, and as a result don’t get to see people’s reactions to other types of pornography. I know that my freshmen year, people were just as turned on if not more turned on by the video of the couple having sex than of the big-budget flick Pirates (even the guys).

I think there would exist a continuum of types of porn people liked to watch if more people were exposed to more types of porn. People get turned on by eroticism, chemistry, and dominance-submission. But these elements get ignored in mainstream pornography in favor of the loud/fast/cheap. I find it hard to believe that people only want to see over-the-top sex involving plasticky characters.

(Click here to read more…)

The SF Bay Guardian’s sex blog, Sex SF celebrated what is probably the world’s most pointless holiday by getting graphic, even by its own routinely NSFW standards.

“What,” you ask, “could they possibly have posted that would push the limits of a sex blog of a notoriously sex-friendly publication such as this? (Click here to read more…)