It’s the call you never want to make as a reporter. But it’s the one you have to.

Wins and losses are easy. Slumps and streaks are pieces of cake. They’re so easy sometimes that I’ve had the story written before the game is even over. Simple, formulaic and predictable. There’s always a final score, comforting statistics. Always some place to take refuge.

But not when you have to make that call to ask about a dead teammate.

To hear college men struggle with something as simple as verb tense is chilling. Lives … no, lived. They always have to change it. And every time I hear that pause, my heart halts its incessant beating. Because I’ve lived that pause. I’ve had to bury a teammate, a friend. I gave his eulogy. I felt that lump in my throat. And I slipped too. Lives … no, lived.

As a redshirt freshman during the 2005 season, Cyrus Allizadeh—found dead of alleged suicide in his apartment Sunday afternoon—may never have played a single inning for the Cal baseball team. But he didn’t have to. Hardly a game has gone by since he last pulled on the jersey when he wasn’t sitting in the stands, watching his roommates and friends battle it out on the diamond.

After a shoulder injury made it painfully clear that he may never be a significant contributor to the team, he went on to work for Cal Event Management, always somehow managing to stay as close as he could to the game he loved. He was incredibly bright, and had internships with Bay Area pro teams. He was going someplace.

“He was this guy that had all these dreams and ambitions,” senior designated hitter Jordan Karnofsky said, “and it just doesn’t make any sense.” It never does. And that never changes.

“He was the kind of guy that really loved sports and was really into the game itself,” senior Josh Satin said. “He only played one year here, but he was still very much a part of the lives of a lot of guys on the team.”

He could always be counted on to talk hometown sports with Satin, his fellow infielder and Southern California native. And as a Dodgers fan myself, it was nice to see someone else sporting a blue and white LA lid in NorCal.

“He was just a good kid,” Satin said. “I only saw him every couple weeks, but I always enjoyed seeing him. We shared a lot in common. He was from L.A., a huge Dodger guy. I’d love running into him and get a ten-minute update on what he thought about the upcoming season, about the trades, about whatever the Dodgers were doing.”

And it’s that fact that he was always around that has made this time so difficult.

“He was one of those people you see everyday, and they brighten up your day a little bit more,” junior pitcher Tyson Ross said.

Then, all of a sudden, he’s gone.

“He was at our game on Saturday, we saw him in the stands,” junior outfielder Tyler Waddell said. “I had a few friends with him and they said that he seemed to be doing well, and, you know, it’s just such a shock. Everyone’s walking around in a daze right now. No one really knows what to think.”

Karnofsky expressed similar sentiments.

“Every time I saw him here, he had the biggest smile on his face,” Karnofsky said. “He seemed like the happiest man in the world. It’s still kind of confusing right now.”

Every player asked said the exact same thing. They never saw it coming. He was a great kid. Always around. He was going places. He was a friend to everyone he met.
So it’s understandable that when his former teammates answer that call, they don’t want to—or can’t—talk, or if they do, even the giants like Ross and Karnofsky sound like they’ve been crying. Losing a guy like Cyrus has that effect. Shock, confusion and ultimately overwhelming sadness. And those were just his baseball brothers.

“He was a big part of our family,” Ross said, “it’s a huge loss for us.”

I dare not even venture to guess how his family—his mother Ofelia and his father Fred—are coping. My heart goes out to them. He was a very special young man, and as evidenced by the sentiments here expressed by his teammates, he will remain in the hearts of all those he touched for a very long time. And you’ll never have to change that tense.

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Tags: Cal baseball, Cyrus Allizadeh
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